been with anyone else who’s made me feel this way. it’s almost been a year with my boyfriend and he’s the only person i actually believe when he tells me he loves me. He’s the only person who goes out of his way to make me happy, and he’s the only person i’ve been through the most with, knows me like the back of his hand. he’s the only person i can sleep with at night and be happy to wake up to in the morning. i’ve never missed anyone more than i miss him when he goes to work or, whatever else. i love him.
I want to go somewhere peaceful, cold outside, blanket warming my skin, and drink a hot cup of Ayahuasca, and sit on the edge of a cliff, with wildnerness around me. maybe a few squirrels and a snow leopard; and find my inner door and escape the fake reality of our every day being, and go into the reality that makes us one with the universe, and possibly meet some spiritual beings that send me light and love and show me how to change certain things in my life. I want the beams of light to carry me to the section of my mind that tells me what defines me as a whole and as a human, and speak to me about the zodiac and which ones combine with me the best possible ways, help me learn more about myself that i can’t figure out yet, and tell me the best things for myself in this one life we have. I want my unconsious mind to tell my consious one what life is really about, and how to take the obstacles that are yet to come my way.
When your mother tells you she’s not even proud that you’re getting your life together and actually figuring shit out and moving ahead.
Thanks you piece of fucking shit
5 months. Progress?
Everyone thinks I’m such a shitty person no matter how nice I can be, so I’m fucking done trying to show people the good side of me.
People wanna see negative then they’ll see negative.
I’m hating general humanity and I don’t want to try to be a good person anymore.
I want to always not care what people say about me. Not some of the times.
Nothing I do is ever enough, I probably wouldn’t even give a fuck if I died in my life right now.
Guarantee no one else would either.
Seriously considering it.
All by myself, with no one around me. I’m so exhausted at humanity right now, that I’m seriously considering joining the rainbow with a shit ton of hippies, or living by myself, working too hard to pay bills for a nicer home than i need, just to get away from all of these people. But I already know I won’t have that for a while, so for a year or two I’ll be stuck living with people who don’t care about me, listening to stupid people around me, everywhere i walk, every street i pass, every car i see, i’ll just be thinking of the day that i get the fuck away from it all. no one I’m around mashes with me well. not even friends, except a few people i rarely see. i’m done talking to people, going out, having fun, and i’m just going to shut everyone off and sit in my room for spare time. no phone, no internet. just paper, journals, paints, musical instruments, and lots of art.